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- Should Your Aging Parent Move in with You?
- 15 Ways to Stay Sane While Caring For an Elderly Parent
- Should Your Aging Parent Move in with You?
- How to stay organized, loving, & SANE while caring for them
Not only will the reader be entertained but they will come away with many handy tools to put in their own personal tool box of elder care.
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Should Your Aging Parent Move in with You?
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Marcus Jacob Goldman. Mothering Mother. As long as the situation is safe for everyone involved, keeping your senior at home is a wonderful thing to do. We have 5 tips to reduce the caregiving load and decrease your stress so you can keep your parents at home as long as possible. Is help needed during the day? At night? Is constant supervision needed? An easy way to do this is to get a notepad and make quick notes when you do a task.
Now you can evaluate the difference between the amount of care needed and the amount of care you can realistically provide without harming your own health. A good way to reduce the workload and reduce stress is to get some extra help. You might be doing such an amazing job that nobody thinks you need any help.
No solution will be perfect, but any help you can get will lessen the stressful workload for you. In my opinion a face-to-face conversation with her mother may bring out better outcome and may control her anger issues. Conversations with the mother are a good idea, but they are mainly useful as a way to better understand how the older mother is perceiving the situation. However it is almost never possible to convince an older person to be less angry or paranoid, especially when the underlying problem is cognitive decline.
Preventing further cognitive decline can be difficult. No medications or medical therapies have been proven to work well for this purpose. Probably the best approach is to minimize risky medications and prevent delirium; both of these have been associated with acceleration of cognitive decline. Other methods that promote brain health e. How to Promote Brain Health. Kudos Dr. K, as always.
15 Ways to Stay Sane While Caring For an Elderly Parent
Our mild and moderate AD-type dementia patients and families as well as some LBD and even a few FTD , are increasingly interested in local clinical trials. Our office is very high touch, we make house calls for established patients, the team answers every question and returns every phone message some of our patients email, too.
This rapport and continuity of care often widens the many options that might be dismissed as scary or inconvenient or offering no guarantee whatsoever. Wonderful that your office is able to provide so much help to your patients; I hope some day this will be more the rule than the exception. Here is the best advice.
Put your mother in either assisted living or a nursing home. In case she refuses to go you call the police who take her to the emergency room. Once there the doctor can have her sent to a nursing home. All her acting out will be handled by the nursing home. Well, it is true that many people with dementia end up moving or being moved to some kind of residential facility.
It may or may not be the best way to go, it really depends on the situation and what the available care alternatives are. Some families propose it as a temporary arrangement, or say that the usual home is in need of serious repairs. And even then, families should only resort to deception after being quite sure there is no other way to address the situation, and also being sure that they have legal and ethical grounds for moving the older person against her will.
What do i do if i am in critical medical condition, have a long standing arrangement with my parents for the past 2 years that they have repeatedly texted me, that they are paying for my life saving stem cell treatment, and within the last month they are completely denying that my hips are broken? I planned my life around this treatment ive been promised for almost 1. I even drove over to tell her how urgent this is and she called the police on me.
This is full on lupus with sun allergy. Im in san diego, its summer, and now when i go outside i throw up and get blurry vision. The emotional toll after being injured so long and my parents now fully denying i am sick is overwhelming. I have lost everything from her deception, now possibly my life.
I feel like they are trying to kill me. I plead for friends to help me get through to them but they play it off and tell lies about me. Im not able to heal, now i have to take them to court because i have no voice. I couldhave paid for my own treatment but now ive had to go through my savings.
Its a life or death situation now.
Should Your Aging Parent Move in with You?
Within this month its never enough. They are so paranoid that they think everything is a hoax. My father was always forceful and abusive but now he doesnt know whats what and hes getting more pushy and controlling to the point its dangerous. For instance when i went to visit last year he would physically move me. This is so surreal…. But at the same time, they have become challenging with you, as you describe paranoia, not following through, and not listening to you. Ideally, they would get evaluated to check for these. I would recommend looking for other ways to get your needs met, and then later trying to help your parents, if possible and if it still seems relevant.
How to stay organized, loving, & SANE while caring for them
Excellent post. In Serbia I have a grandfather who suffers from dementia. We had to put him in a nursing home because he can not take care of himself. There is surrounded by people who properly care for her. Yes, as dementia progresses, people eventually need someone to be taking care of them all day and also usually available at night. Placement in a residential facility, such as nursing home, memory care unit, or even a smaller home, is one way to manage this situation.
I have been studying about Dementia, since I visited my mother last December — January, She has changed!!! Your article is the most helpful one!!! Sincerely, Retired Teacher. Very helpful article, thank you. She lives alone and can still mow her lawn, is in good physical health, and does fine with self-care. She would never listen to me, hates all women, especially her sisters, and sometimes even her children, who are professional people in their 50s.
Her children, who rarely see her, will have to decide. Thank you for this opportunity. Glad you found this article helpful. Also glad you are thoughtful enough to be concerned about your sister.
We have taken mom neurologist. She passed clock drawing and initiall questions. Has had brain mri waiting results. Went today for psychological assessment. Told doctor upset we 3 suggested these assessments. She feels like we ganged up on her and are putting her through hell. Sounds like your mother is angry with you, sorry to hear this. There is no easy answer. When you are feeling patient enough, keep reaching out to her and try to keep the tone of your exchanges empathetic and non-confrontational.
Avoid arguing or trying to reason with her, that almost always makes older adults more frustrated and defensive. Working through this type of situation often takes a long time…weeks or months or sometimes longer. The caregiver forum at AgingCare. I am still working at 64 — 30 hours a week. My husband also had double knee replacement surgery 1 month ago — and I told her I would be unavailable during that time — call my other siblings and my niece — but she actually called me while I was at the hospital 1 hour away to stop by on my way home at 9 pm to take out her trash — she had one bag of trash.
It has become an obsession. Her house is a mess but she sends cleaning people home after an hour. If I take her somewhere socially, I cannot even have a conversation with anyone, however brief, because she constantly finds things for me to do — needs another drink, need more deserts, etc. She repeats the save conversations endlessly, day after day. They are word for word. She is always right. She can barely make a meal. I am constantly running over with food and groceries, as is my sister. I am beginning to avoid her because it is so frustrating to be around her.
I have become depressed and angry. She has always had a bit of a mean streak — extremely frugal — would not even help out with my prom dress when I was 17 — but took a trip to Spain just a few months later with her friends. Never there for me emotionally until I had children — then she could be the wonderful grandma! What you are describing is not uncommon. Most people find it helps to connect with others who can commiserate, encourage setting healthy boundaries, and offer practical suggestions on what to try next. I would also recommend the book Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent , as it addresses setting reasonable limits with a difficult or demanding parent.
I was searching the web and found this site. I see that others are going through some of the same things I and experiencing with my 93 year old mother. This above posting sound just like my situation except for moving back to California. I still work 30 hours and when I come home, mother tells me how terrible I am, how I am rude, and how I am treating her just like other adult children.
She says she did not know that I would turn out so horrible. Every day, she tells me I am going to hell and if my dad were alive, I would spark me! I am 66! I am trying to be a Christian daughter and be kind and compassionate. But the daily, hourly, and minute reminders of how I have failed her is more than I can take. Most of the time I leave the room she is in in order not to confront the meanness. Then, she comes after me and tells me how I am treating her horribly.
I have no help from my brother and sister-in-law, as they have lost their house and are living with us until they can get on their feet.
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I pray every night for guidance and patience. But, I feel so guilty that I am not able to help my mother or even make any one in my family happy. Can someone help? Sorry to hear that your mother is treating you this way, it sounds very stressful and must also be heartbreaking in so many ways. The main thing I would recommend to you is finding a support group, to get emotional support and also ideas on how to troubleshoot these situations. Many people have gone through similar challenges and will be happy to help you. I also cover what can be done in these situations in my Helping Older Parents course, which is included in our Helping Older Parents Membership Community.
Good luck and take care! My mother has Alzimer. My older Sister steels mother s money by bieing big House Big Cars. Whrn Ona left tucson wgere was she uh. We had too take care our mother not her. Now our mother sticks up for Ona thrn us. My older Sister Ona was in Washington liveing there she never help 1.