Why am I telling you this? You see, a few months prior I would have stressed out and felt totally guilty about the house being so junky. This would have led me into a cleaning frenzy for the rest of the night and I would have went to bed feeling tired and depleted, waking up the next morning in an exhaustive funk. In that moment of first opening the door, I learned to fully accept and be at peace with what was actually happening rather than beat myself up with lofty expectations of what I had wanted to happen.
It was a subtle yet important shift in my life. I walked in and rather than feeling bad about the mess, I simply acknowledged that the apartment was in disarray. Yes, there were clothes strewn on the floor. I accepted the fact that the apartment was messy and that it was okay to not do anything at the very moment to tidy up. It was so simple, just a few moments, but I suddenly felt myself breathing easier as a result and sleeping a lot easier without the worry or the inner critics coming out to play.
Sometimes I think we have to learn how to accept what is so that we can find peace of mind no matter what kind of day we are having or what type of circumstance we encounter. Peace is available to us all of the time, even when life seems to be out of our control. It may not feel like it, but beyond chaos is serenity, if we only accept it. Solutions to our problems are also clearer when we move into this place of peace. When feeling a bit stressed out about high expectations, gently remind yourself to do the following:. Acknowledge what is here.
Simply notice for a few seconds what you are feeling, experiencing, seeing, and hearing without any judgment. Also, notice if any judgment is coming from you or other people in your life. Accept that situation fully as it is. No shame. No guilt. Just acceptance and lots of deep breaths. Be open to the inner wisdom that you possess. There may not be an immediate solution and that is totally fine. Sometimes I think a good pause is just what we need before we take a next step. You are enough just as you are. It is a beautiful thing to accept the fullness of your human experience rather than wishing it was anything different.
There will always be homes to clean, items on the to do list, obligations to fulfill, inboxes to clear, and schedules to make. In the midst of all that, there will always be peace and joy available to us if we simply notice. May you find ultimate serenity as you let go of expectations and root into full acceptance of yourself and your life experiences.
Photo by Nickolai Kashirin. Kandice is a writer and storyteller who lives in Chicago with her husband Terron. She loves listening to music, drinking good wine, and taking road trips. You can find her writing over at vulnerabilityissexy. If Amazon is not your eBook ecosystem, please do look up the titles wherever you buy your eBooks; discounts are often applied at other outlets. But Rovio is beginning to see its games not as profit generators in and of themselves, but rather a tool to boost the sales of thousands of Angry Birds-themed products—ranging from mascara to theme parks—and build awareness ahead of the first feature-length Angry Birds cartoon, set to premiere in July Homeowners get to stay put, and the city and a private sector partner split the profit.
Governments traditionally use eminent domain to force property owners to sell their land for public projects such as railways. But high foreclosure rates lead to problems like blight, crime and falling house prices; some argue that cities and counties ought therefore to be able to invoke eminent domain in depressed housing markets for the public good.
But a rigorous new study conducted in Oregon has flipped that assumption on its head, finding that the newly insured actually went to the emergency room more often. The study drew on data from the Oregon Health Insurance Experiment that included about 75, low-income Oregonians and randomly assigned about half of them to Medicaid coverage. The Misconception: People who riot and loot are scum who were just looking for an excuse to steal and be violent. The Truth: You are are prone to losing your individuality and becoming absorbed into a hivemind under the right conditions.
In Seattle in , a year-old woman who had recently ended a relationship held up traffic for a little too long as she considered the implications of leaping to her death. In , a year old man jumped from the top of a parking garage in England after or so people chanted for him to go for it. Some took photos and recorded video before, during and after. Afterward, the crowd dispersed, the strange spell broken.
The taunters walked away wondering what came over them. The other onlookers vented their disgust into social media. In San Francisco, in , a man stepped onto the ledge of his apartment window and contemplated dropping from the building. A crowd gathered below and soon started yelling for him to jump. They even tweeted about it. He died on impact fifteen minutes later. Police and firefighters are well aware of this tendency for crowds to gather and taunt, and this is why they tape off potential suicide scenes and get the crowd out of shouting distance.
The risk of a spontaneous cheering section goading a person into killing themselves is high when people in a group feel anonymous and are annoyed or angry. It only takes one person to get the crowd going. Those are the three ingredients — anonymity, group size and arousal. If you lose your sense of self, feel the power of a crowd and then get slammed by a powerful cue from the environment — your individuality may evaporate. Within a crowd like this many will retain their sense of right and wrong. Some are able to maintain their composure. Many who witnessed these events felt terrible about what happened and condemned those who encouraged the jumpers, going so far as to condemn humanity itself after seeing such a dark display.
This is going to be hard to believe, but this sort of behavior could be inside you as well. Halloween is a fantastic playground for cultural norms to clash and crack. Costumes and candy, parents and children, the revelry and irreverence directed toward evil and death and hauntings — it is a day to pull back from standards, the rules of proper and normal behavior, and experiment with surrogate selves. Across the country, people recede into anonymity and become absorbed by characters who will be shed the next day. Halloween is fun because it feels good to drop the heft of your flesh-and-blood identity from time to time no matter how old you are.
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The fantasy is something kids wearing clown shoes in pursuit of candy bars and adults shifting aside Guy Fawkes masks to accommodate Jager shots can both appreciate. A great costume can draw attention to the garments of individuality you wear every other day simply by replacing them. Halloween gives you an opportunity to play around with the roles, labels and characters we all know are in some ways fabrications, mutually accepted fibs required to get by in a complex social game.
The mask you wear to work or to a family reunion or out on a first date is not so much different from the one you wear heading out to plead for Snickers or dance to digital mixtapes. As you approached adolescence you tried on a variety of personae until one fit. You may have pierced body parts or tattooed areas you could cover up when needed. You may have singled out some celebrity or fictional character and cherry picked from their wardrobe, stealing a bit of their magic in the hope you could add it to yours.
Through each season of your life, you sharpen your image and polish your patina until you have a sense of the individual you claim to be. In many ways, it is a holiday celebrating anonymity through experimentation with individuality. It was this muted sense of self which, in the late s, led a group of psychologists to turn Halloween into a controlled study of the human mind. Arthur Beaman, Edward Diener and Soren Svanum travelled to a nice neighborhood in Seattle, Washington, and picked out 27 homes which would become makeshift laboratories. The researchers wanted to see if the anonymity of Halloween costumes would affect the behavior of children as they gallivanted from secret lab to secret lab.
The researchers placed inside the entrance to each home a bowl of candy, a mirror and a festive Halloween decoration in which a scientist watched through a peephole as children arrived throughout the night. Yes, it was a bit creepy. A woman greeted children throughout the night, and when the tykes presented their trick-or-treat bargains she told them each could have only one piece of candy.
She then walked away, leaving them to sort out their tiny moral codes. Half of the time the woman at the door asked the children to say their names and where they lived before leaving them. If the children arrived with adults, they were omitted from the results. The psychologists wondered if the kids would take only one piece thinking there were no adults around to exact punishment or express disappointment in their gluttony.
Would they react differently when alone or in groups? Would saying their names remind them of the people behind the masks?
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- What Day is Today??
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Once the kids were primed to remember their identity, or if they saw their reflection in the mirrors, would it remind them of who they were? What made the most difference was whether or not they had said their names and whether or not they were alone or in a group. If they had to say their name and were also alone, less than 10 percent of children cheated. In a group, about 20 percent of those who revealed their identity disobeyed the host. More of the anonymous children stole candy when alone — 20 percent.
In a group, close to 60 percent of the anonymous stole the candy. The results suggested the power of their anonymity was magnified in the presence of others. Left unmasked, the cheating rose a bit in a group. With the masks on, it was turbocharged. The kids who felt most anonymous and the most protected by the shared anonymity of the group were also the most likely to break the rules and take more candy.
With anonymity set to maximum, many kids tried to take all the candy they could. This study is one of many which shows your identity can spring a leak in the presence of others, and the more others there are, the more you dissolve into the collective will of the group. In certain situations, you can expect to be de-individualized. Unlike conformity, in which you adopt the ideas and behaviors of others for acceptance and inclusion, deindividuation is mostly unconscious and more likely to lead to mischief.
As psychologist David G. Think back to when you got into the most trouble as a teenager, or maybe even beyond those years. Chances are, you were in a group and became seduced by the collective will of your peers. There may have been influencers, instigators or natural leaders, but in the end everyone in your circle probably dissolved into the mind of the unit. You were just reacting, moving as a herd. In , psychologist Phillip Zimbardo had female college students deliver painful electric shocks to other female students.
Half of the students giving the shocks were randomly selected to wear big hoods and roomy lab coats during the experiment in addition to numbered tags. The other half remained unmasked and wore tags revealing their names. He told the soon-to-be torturers he was studying creativity under stress, and as a woman on the other side of a one-way mirror took a test they were to deliver shocks to see if it affected her performance.
The women riding the lightning were actually actors and only pretended to writhe in agony. Zimbardo made sure the subjects knew it was going to hurt by giving each one a volt sample of pain. In addition, to provide motivation, he had the subjects watch a taped interview with the two test-takers in which one seemed friendly and sweet, but the other was rude and mean. He wanted to eliminate as best he could obedience to authority and peer pressure.
The only factors in play were anonymity and deindividuation. In groups of four, the students sat down and began to torment the test takers. In each run of the experiment, the women hidden behind hoods and lab coats shocked the test takers twice as often. The shocks even got more frequent and lasted longer as the test continued. All the while, the actors pretended to be in terrible pain on the other side of the mirror.
The women whose faces could be seen shocked the nice actor less than the unpleasant one, and this according to Zimbardo was the most interesting finding. The deindividuation, the anonymity afforded by the hoods, allowed a terrible behavior usually held back by social norms to run free without any regard for fairness or justice. Without consequences, the excitement of having control over another person fed on itself. As Zimbardo said, the escalation was driven by a positive-feedback loop of arousal.
The more they shocked, the more excited they got. The more excited they got, the more often they shocked. Strangely enough, this same experiment was conducted with Belgian soldiers, and when they wore the hoods they shocked the test-takers less. In their case the uniforms they already wore promoted deindividuation, but the hoods isolated them.
Among other soldiers they were part of a unit, a group. Under the hood, they were one person again. Zimbardo conducted another experiment, and like the Seattle researchers he used the wonderful built-in anonymity of Halloween as a tool. He observed as elementary-school children played games to win tokens which they could turn in at the end to earn prizes.
The kids had a choice of games to play. Some games were competitive but non-aggressive while others were one-on-one duels like extracting a beanbag from a tube. The children played these games at a Halloween party both in and out of costume. The teacher told the children the costumes were on their way during the first round, and when they supposedly arrived the kids competed again with their identities concealed.
Once the competition was over, the teachers said another class needed the costumes, so they went through the games one more time unmasked. The amount of time the children spent playing the aggressive games, pushing and shoving and yelling, doubled once the costumes were on going from 42 percent to 86 percent. When they came off, it dropped back to 36 percent. When in costume, under the spell of deindividuation, they wanted to go head-to-head and fight even though those games took longer and yielded far fewer tokens.
As soon as the costumes were removed, they returned to more civil behavior. Every time you wade into a crowd or don a concealing garment, you risk deindividuation, and it often brings out the worst in you. When you step back and see yourself as the perpetrator, you act as though your reputation and position in society is at stake. When you have no identity, when you are nameless, faceless and free from retribution, the chains of inhibition fall from your brain.
What hides inside you, held back by inhibition, and how would it manifest if freed? Would you yell for someone to jump to their death while tweeting about it and taking photos? Sitting there now, you think there is no way you could do such a thing, but right now you are an individual with social chains binding both the darkest evil and the brightest good in your heart. Chanting, singing, dancing and other ritualistic, repetitive group activities are particularly effective at focusing your attention and distracting you from the boundaries of your head and body.
Your focus and emotional response builds and builds until the fragile container holding your persona shatters, and not only do your emotions diffuse among the many, but so do your morals and sense of responsibility toward your actions. Published by Heidelberg: Winter. About this Item: Heidelberg: Winter. Ein mehrzeiliger Widmungsvermerk des Autors auf dem Vortitelblatt. Ein sauberes Exemplar! Anglistische Forschungen. Sprache: englisch. Seller Inventory AB. More information about this seller Contact this seller Published by Southern Illinois University Press No Jacket.
NO other marks and contents as new. Just lightest trace of shelf wear to cloth edges. No dust jacket if ever had one. Despite its 'general sounding' title some vital and interesting Grant material in this collection of papers. First edition. Limited to copies. Seller Inventory CE Published by Random House Inc About this Item: Random House Inc, Dust Jacket Condition: Near Fine. First Edition, First Printing. No markings to text block. Inscribed by author on title page.
Ulysses, Signed - AbeBooks
Published by Henley on Thames Privately printed About this Item: Henley on Thames Privately printed, A description and analysis of one of the most significant extant copies of Joyce's work. James Joyce's Ulysses revolutionised the two hundred year old art form of the novel, and is critically regarded as the twentieth century's most notable literary work. The copy described here is signed by Joyce to his brother, to whom Joyce was very close and was a considerable support and literary influence.
This brochure, printed in an edition of copies, details the writing and publishing of Ulysses and the history and significance of this particular copy. Published by Hutchinson, London About this Item: Hutchinson, London, Hard Cover. Pictorial dust jacket, black cloth covered boards, illustrated endpapers. Includes drawings by Will Stoney, and photographs by Kevin Fleming. This copy has been signed by Severin on the free endpaper.
Published by D. Appleton-Century Company, incorporated. About this Item: D. Condition: Good. Dust jacket missing. Shelf and handling wear to cover and binding, with general signs of previous use. Interior clean and unmarked. Secure packaging for safe delivery. Published by Columbia University Press About this Item: Columbia University Press, Condition: Fine. Dust Jacket Condition: Very Good. Author-signed first edition. Volume is bound in black cloth, with bright stamped gilt lettering to spine. Book is in excellent condition.
Dust jacket shows very light shelfwear. Author's inscription, dated October 29, , appears on the front flyleaf. Signed by Author s. Published by Bonanza Books, New York The dj is now protected in a mylar sleeve. A Very Good copy in Very Good dust jacket. Signed Presentation by the Author on front free endpaper. Published by Riveting History. About this Item: Riveting History. Minor shelf and handling wear, overall a clean solid copy with minimal signs of use. Signed and inscribed by author on title page.
Author's card laid-in. Stiff Wrappers. Condition: As New. A brilliant and funny essay on Joyce's humor, ranging from the neuroscience of laughter to Joe Miller's Jest Book. Inscribed by the author "think of this as an after dinner speech with really good production values, and you'll get the idea. Inscribed By Author. Harenburg softback pp Separate print of front cover signed by Fritz Janschka.
Supplied in a removable protective sleeve. Published by Chihuly Workshop, Incorporated. About this Item: Chihuly Workshop, Incorporated. Dust jacket in good condition. Signed by Chihuly on half-title page. Dust jacket now wrapped with protective mylar cover. Light rubbing of jacket. City of lovers. City of dreams. Yet if one man gets his way its inhabitants will soon be forced to endure a nightmare such as they have never known.
But dandy detective and Hero of the British Empire Ulysses Quicksilver is determined to get in his way; although he has problems of his own to deal with first before he can try to rescue the French capital from its earth-shattering fate.