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Some of the features and services of Bonnier websites may not operate properly if your cookies are disabled. Some men find it difficult to express their emotions and their feelings can get locked up. This can be misunderstood as indifference to the loss of their baby. Many men take on the role of protector in the family; supporting their wife or partner and not allowing time for their own grief.
It is not unusual for men to take on the practicalities and keep themselves busy. You will both need time and space to grieve. This may happen after the funeral if there is one, or possibly many weeks later. It was a good distraction. I ran a lot and I kept doing that. I signed up for marathons.
Running got me away for a few hours at a time and gave me a way to switch off. I was functioning but I was on autopilot. People might not have noticed too much. Read more about supporting each other as a couple. Family and friends may want to rally around. Some parents will appreciate this, others might find it exhausting.
This is a time to be honest about what you need. If you have trusted friends or family and are able to cope with having them around these are things they can help with:. It might help to circulate our page on 'How to give support' to friends and family who want to know how they can help you. Most women, will agree that the emotional pain is infinitely more difficult to bear than the physical discomfort of giving birth. These hormonal changes might make your grief even harder to cope with in the early weeks and months. You will also have to cope with the physical effects of giving birth. You will bleed heavily for the first few days after the birth, you may have painful stitches or after-pains as the uterus contracts back to its normal size.
Your breasts will produce milk and this can lead to painful engorgement. Talk to your midwife about how to manage your milk coming in. The physical side-effects of giving birth can be very difficult to cope with and it can feel like nature is play-ing a cruel trick on you. Read more about coping with the physical effects of a stillbirth. I was sadly unable to take any medication to stop it, so I was told to compress my breasts with tighter tops to try and stem the supply. The hospital will tell your GP, community midwife and health visitor what has happened so they can offer you care and support once you are home.
You might want to ask your GP to put a note on your record so it is immediately obvious to anyone you deal with in future what has happened. Although it may be difficult and heart-breaking, it is important to ensure you attend all your post-natal appointments. It might help to call your GP and find out in advance of appointments what will happen so you can prepare yourself.
Read more about postnatal care after a stillbirth. You may have physical reactions to your grief. Heart palpitations, shaking, chest pains, diarrhoea, butter-flies in your stomach and sickness are all common. It is important to try to look after yourself after the birth. You may not feel like eating or drinking but you need to try to keep physically strong to cope with the emotional trauma. Many women felt it was very difficult to leave the house, but if you feel able to do so, parents often report that once they went out they felt that being outdoors in the fresh air helped.
I spent a long time after the birth just sitting playing every minute of the labour and delivery and the following 12 hours over in my head because I didn't want to forget how I felt or what happened, as if I did start to forget it would mean I would also forget Chloe. I had to take that pressure off myself to stop my panic attacks, and so the memory box has really helped with that.
When I do sit and look through it I am taken back to those feelings, and honestly sometimes I really need to just sit in that and feel it wash over me again. But then when I have had my time looking back through everything I can put it away and focus on my day to day life again. Do not hesitate to get in touch with your GP if you feel you need extra support with the physical effects of grieving.
At night I would lie in bed reliving what had happened. I learnt to write my feelings down which acted as a release. I suffered horrific nightmares, and although family and friends rallied around, nobody could penetrate the bubble of heart and gut wrenching ache. Talking to close and trusted family members or friends about your feelings and your experience can bring comfort. Most mothers also felt that talking to other women who had experienced a stillbirth was very help-ful and reassured them that their feelings were normal. It can also make you feel less alone. You may find that crying and talking about your baby are good ways of releasing feelings.
You may want to tell your story over and over again. This is normal and you should follow this instinctive urge to talk as it helps you come to terms with what has happened. It might be helpful to write down what happened and how you feel each day. You may want to draw or paint, write a poem, keep a diary, create a web page, set up a blog or make a scrapbook. SANDS, a support charity, can put you in touch with other mums and dads who have had stillborn babies and will be happy to listen and talk.
A bereavement support officer or bereavement midwife may be able to help you with paperwork and funeral planning. There is support out there, but it will differ depending on where you live. Sometimes you need to explore all your options to find the best one for you. Some mums suffer with postnatal depression after a stillbirth. Talk to your GP if you are worried about your feelings and reactions. The main symptoms of postnatal depression are very similar to the symptoms of grief so it is not easy to tell them apart.
If you have had a previous mental health issue though you are more likely to suffer from postnatal depression so you or a close person should be on the lookout. If, after about six months, you are still struggling to cope with everyday life, consider getting some professional help, which you can discuss with your GP. Open , Monday to Friday. The midwives on the line have received training in bereavement care and welcome calls from parents who have lost a baby.
You can also attend Saying Goodbye ceremonies across the country. They can help siblings through a bereavement. Ways to help, support and understand your partner after a stillbirth. Information and advice on supporting children when their sibling has been stillborn. This page is support for grandparents coping after with the stillbirth of their grandchild.
Going back to work after losing a baby can be a welcome return to routine for some, and a terrifying prospect for others. Pregnancy after a loss often brings mixed emotions and can be a very anxious time. Spending time now with your stillborn baby could help you cope with the grief later.
Information about postnatal care and appointments for mothers following a stillbirth. Information and support for mums on giving birth to a stillborn baby. How to support parents who have suffered a stillbirth, advice for family, friends and colleagues. Information on how to cope with the physical effects of having a stillborn baby.
Next review date September 1st, I waited for my baby for 41 weeks, was induced since my contractions did not start but unfortunately my uterus raptured and my baby suffocated,i wasnt able to hold her since i was so sick after emergency cs. To date i dont understand why i had to go through such a horriffying situation.
Hi Cynthia. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your daughter - I know how difficult that must be for you. I hope that you have been well supported by family, friends and your medical team. If you need any further support, please feel free to get in touch with us on the helpline, or via our midwife email. Please take good care of yourself, Tommy's Midwife. I am so sorry to hear this. I really hope that you are being supported by your family and friends and that you are recovering physically. The emotional scars though, take some time to begin to heal.
You would be very welcome to call us here at Tommy's if you want to talk We have a midwife here each weekday to take your call. We also have a Facebook group dedicated to couples who have experienced loss. Best wishes x. You ain't alone 40 weeks plus. Hi, Thank you for your comment.
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We are so very sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy in October, we cannot even begin to imagine how you and your family are feeling at this time. Take care of yourself, Tommy's Midwives x. Hi Thank you for sharing. We are so very sorry to hear about your losses, it is unimaginable how you and your family must be feeling right now. We really hope that you have support around you and people to talk to at this difficult time. Be kind to yourself and take care, Tommy's Midwives x.
Lost pourur first baby at 9 weeks and then the 2nd one just shy 20 weeks. I had a cerclage and it failed my water broke through it and i have to be in labor. Im so devastated to the point that feeling my water breaking was the worst feeling ever. I feel so empty. So sorry to hear of your loss and really hope that you have found some comfort from our site. Please call us on if you need to talk. We are here to support anyone who loses a baby during the pregnancy or just after birth.
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We are here Monday to Friday pm to support you. Take good care of yourself x. Dear Maria, I can understand your grief even after a year. I hope you gain some comfort from this page in knowing that you are not alone. If you would like to speak to someone please don't hesitate to contact us at Tommys We have a midwife here to support you from Monday to Friday pm Take good care of yourself.
Doctors told me he was not compatible with life and they had to induce labor. I gave birth to the most precious little angel the world has ever seen on July Since then I am not the same person anymore. I find no joy in living and feel exhausted all day. I have no motivation to keep going. The only time of the day I enjoy is at night when I get to go to sleep. Getting up and face another day is torture. It takes all of me to just be. I feel hopeless, broken and lost. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby and can only imagine what you are going through at the moment.
From the feelings that you describe it 's very important that you seek professional support urgently. I hope you have support from family and friends; also that you have been able to talk through your experience with the Maternity unit that cared for you. Please also contact Tommy's PregnancyLine- if it would help you to talk to a Tommy's midwife.
Hi Ameenat, We are so sorry to hear that you have lost both of you little ones so very recently. This must be a very difficult time of you and your family and we cannot even begin to imagine how you are feeling. Best Wishes Tommy's Midwives x. I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. There is nothing worse in life to lose your children. I wish you strength. I am the mother of a stillborn baby.
Love and regret: mothers who wish they’d never had children
You are not alone in the pain. Lost my baby due to gestational diabetes and its painful feels like it's unreal this happened March Hi Raeesa, We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, we can't even being to imagine how you must be feeling at this time. Please take care of yourself, Tommy's Midwives x. I lost mine on Tuesday last week. I neonatal hyperglycemia. It still is unreal! Hi Amina, We are so very sorry to hear about the loss of your 2 precious babies. We cannot even being to imagine what you and your family must be going through at this time. Take Care, Tommy's Midwives x.
Best wishes, Tommy's midwives x. Dear Gugu, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My thoughts are with you, take care, Tommy's midwives x. Hi, My still birthed cousin died a few years ago. It was a horrible feeling. I want to know what I could have done differently to get over the grief. Thankyou xx.
Hi Lina I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your baby cousin. It might be best for you to call me on to have a detailed chat about this, rather than message here in a public space. Thinking of you at this time as you are struggling with your grief. Sophie,Tommy's Midwife. Hi , we lost our baby, my first grandchild 5 days after her due date as true to form she was stubborn and didn't want to come on Jan 1 The recurring theme I am seeing is similar to my daughters story and what I am reading is that physicians are not listening to the complaints of their patients.
Perhaps its because you cant really see the baby to assess the well being and of course familiarity with the patient is also and added issue. Mostly I think that physicians are misdiagnosing placental abruption and are looking too literally at the text book and not taking people as individuals into consideration.
No one person presents the same for any condition and physicians need to stop putting everyone in the same category and start looking at the patient as an individual. Having said that I think it is safe to assume that I am deeply disheartened, hurt, sad that my 17 year old daughter had to endure a tragedy like losing her baby because she was unable to articulate her symptoms to a physician the night before she lost our Marie Ann. Sometimes you have to look further, I am a Nurse if I ignored every complaint or concern a patient or family member expressed I wouldn't have many living patients or be very good at my job.
Fortunately I am not that Nurse. I wish I wish I wish I could trade places with my girl or her baby so that she wouldn't ever have to know the pain of losing a child. I have two great tragedies in my life He broke me.
The second was the loss of my grand daughter she shattered me. Good luck to all of you. I am hoping and praying that my daughter will recover from this horrible tragedy, have many more children, as she will be a wonderful I base my well being upon her. If she is ok then I am ok. Dawn, this is such a poignant piece of writing, Thank you so much for your input.
I am so sorry for what you and your daughter have been through. It must be so raw for you. If we can help to support you call us on We are a team of midwives who are here Monday to Friday to support you. I too hope that she has a level of ok to maintain her but I know that with your unconditional support she will have as good a chance as any.
Our best wishes to both of you x. Ever since then its been so tough on me as i continually ask myself why me. Most of the people who where pregnant with me have all delivered carrying thier babies but me i am not. Its not easy. Hi francaogechi, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your lovely son.
That really must have been a very difficult experience for you and your family! It sounds as if you might benefit from some sort of counselling or talking therapy as it sounds as if you are still struggling to come to terms with what has happened and why. Counselling will enable you to talk through your memories, thoughts and feeling, and be given ways to channel your focus in other ways to help manage your grief.
You are also welcome to call us on the pregnacyline to speak to one of us in the team. We are not counsellors, but we are used to talking to women who have lost babies, and you might find a friendly chat useful. We are here if you need us. Relate offer face to face, telephone and online counselling. Helpline: Open Monday to Friday 9. Email: Via website address below Website: www.
I was 31 week and I'm very lost, would you mind talking to me? Hi Cheyenne, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your little boy. Of course we would be more than happy to speak to you- its wonderful that you have felt able to reach out for some support at this difficult time. Sophie Tommy's Midwife. Hi, Thank you for your post. You have been such a lovely Mum to your little girl singing to her every day and loving her in everything you did during your pregnancy.
I cannot imagine the hell you and your husband are going through after losing her and having to recover from a caesarean as well. I'm not sure where you live and whether you have an option for counselling when you are ready? Many parents find it is a lifesaver to join a forum so that they can talk to other bereaved Parents about their experience and loss as they truly understand what you are going through. Mentally this is going to be a very long and painful journey and you and your Husband need lots of love and support from friends and family. There is a lot of information that might be helpful to read through on our website.
We are also here if you ever want to talk on With love and my sincere condolences Anna-Tommy's Midwife. I am having a hard day. My story is extremely similar to yours, except one day sooner. My baby girl was born stillborn on Oct 21, one month ago today. I was 38 weeks and I too finally got pregnant after 4yrs of marriage l. I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so bad. Reading this website has made me understand that a lot of people have felt similar things, but it is still so hard.
I hurt for my baby, myself, and all the people who have gone through this too. You will be in my thoughts. We will make it through this somehow. Hi Emily. I am so sorry to here about little Avery- please know that you can call us or contact us if you need any support or advice. We are happy to help! Please take good care of yourself and thank you for sharing your story with us and supporting others like yourself!
Your'e a wonderful woman! Sending love! Sophie, Tommy's Midwife. Its really hard and hurt. Hi there, i am so very sorry to hear about the passing of your daughter.
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